Lloyd Kaufman – Sell Your Own Damn Movie (2011)

Автор: Lloyd Kaufman
Название книги: Sell Your Own Damn Movie (2011)
Формат: PDF
Жанр: Театр и Кино
Качество: Изначально компьютерное, E-book

This is the 3rd volume in Mr. Kaufman’s hilarious, how-to series for hard-working self-starters and hard-laughing, cheeky filmmakers. “Sell Your Own Damn Movie!” covers everything you need to do to get your finished film seen by festival-goers, movie-goers, DVD-buyers and web-goers around the world. You will be lead through a primer on the history of film distribution to a discussion of the many ways you can get your film out there, either through a reputable distributor or all on your own. From the realities of distribution, to utilizing the internet to self-distribution, Mr. Kaufman tells you in his habitually lucid and off-the-wall way. Inserts include interviews and pointers from veteran distribution pros as well as directors and producers who share their own front-line stories. Mr. Kaufman recounts his own raucous stories of marketing pleasures and nightmares from 35 years of movie-making experience, creating a uniquely useful and entertaining read.

Or, in Lloyd’s inimitable words.

The most asked question at my worldwide popular, legendary, renowned master class is, “How do I get my no-budget, zombie giraffe flick distributed?” Well, have no fear, because the 3rd volume in Uncle Lloydie’s how-to series of go-to guides for filmmakers reveals the secrets, methods and tricks (short of prostituting yourself and selling bodily organs) to getting your film distributed. With Troma, our legendary 35-year-old independent studio, Michael Herz and I have developed a low cost, high-impact method for low-budget film distribution, which has lead to a high-profile brand name and a catalog of over 800 titles! Now you can learn to get you movie out there, too. I will be your busty tour guide, sharing with you my hard-earned cinematic distribution know-how!

-LEARN! How I achieved box office success with my fowl chicken zombie masterpiece Poultrygeist, and everyone’s favorite super-human hero from New Jersey, the Toxic Avenger, for practically no money!

-SMELL! The sewer that is mainstream distribution as I drag you through the muck, be-farting upon you the real scoop behind “indie” and mainstream distribution deals.

Some of my favorite stories are about belly buttons. I don’t know
when I developed this strange affinity for the little hole in my stomach,
but I can’t deny that a little wave of pleasure passes through
me each time my beautiful wife Pat sticks one of her tiny fingers in
there. My eyes roll back in my head and I let out a giggle like some
sort of white Bill Cosby or a Jewish Pillsbury Doughboy.
That being said, a few weeks ago, I found myself crammed
between two large, fat, sweaty people on the N train between
Long Island City, current home of Troma Entertainment, and
Manhattan, current home of me and Jon Gosselin. It was about
6 pm and there was not a whole lot of room to wiggle on this particular
train. Because I was sandwiched directly between Godzilla
and Mechagodzilla, I ended up facing an advertisement for a storage
facility and was unable to turn my head to look away. This particular
storage facility, which my editrix has warmly encouraged me
not to name, has several different posters, and they are located on
several different trains. Most of these ads feature naked people in
an empty apartment with the slogan “Maybe we make storage too
easy…” Get it? Because when storage space is cheap, people will
put all of their belongings into storage, including, apparently, their
clothes. And I guess this is supposed to be seen as a positive thing.
So, in this ad that I had no choice but to stare at, a naked guy and
a naked gyno1 are lying on the floor of an empty apartment. The
gyno’s ample bosom is hidden behind a book, and both of their special
hoo-haa parts are covered by one small blanket. Kinky, right?